Parenting Coordination is a valuable service designed to help separated or divorced parents resolve conflicts and create a stable environment for their children. However, like any intervention, it comes with challenges. High emotions, resistance from one parent, and difficulties in ensuring long-term compliance can hinder progress.
In this guide, we’ll explore the most common challenges in Parenting Coordination and provide practical strategies to overcome them, ensuring smoother co-parenting relationships and better outcomes for children.
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1. Resistance from One Parent
Why Does Resistance Happen?
Resistance in Parenting Coordination can stem from:
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Distrust in the process – One parent may see the coordinator as biased or unnecessary.
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Fear of losing control – Some parents resist because they feel their authority is being undermined.
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Unresolved anger – Lingering resentment from the separation can fuel opposition.
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Misunderstanding the role – Parents may confuse Parenting Coordination with litigation or therapy.
How to Overcome Resistance
A. Clarify the Role of the Parenting Coordinator
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Explain that the coordinator is a neutral third party, not a decision-maker.
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Emphasize that the goal is to reduce conflict, not take sides.
B. Build Trust Gradually
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Start with small, manageable agreements to demonstrate the benefits.
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Allow the resistant parent to voice concerns in a structured way.
C. Involve Them in Goal-Setting
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Let both parents contribute to the parenting plan, ensuring they feel heard.
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Use child-focused language (e.g., “This will help reduce stress for the kids”).
D. Legal Reinforcement (If Necessary)
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If court-ordered, remind the resistant parent of potential consequences for non-compliance.
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Frame participation as a positive step rather than a punishment.
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2. Managing Emotions During Sessions
Why Emotions Run High in Parenting Coordination
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Past trauma from the relationship breakdown.
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Fear of unfair outcomes (e.g., losing custody time).
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Protective instincts – Parents may feel their parenting is being judged.
Strategies to Keep Emotions in Check
A. Establish Ground Rules Early
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Set communication guidelines (e.g., no interrupting, no personal attacks).
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Use structured agendas to keep discussions focused.
B. Encourage Active Listening
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Teach parents to paraphrase each other’s concerns before responding.
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Example: “I hear that you’re worried about bedtime routines. Let’s find a compromise.”
C. Use Neutral Language
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Replace accusatory statements (“You always…”) with “I” statements (“I feel concerned when…”).
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The Parenting Coordinator can reframe negative comments into constructive ones.
D. Take Breaks When Needed
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If tensions escalate, pause the session and revisit when emotions settle.
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Introduce cooling-off periods before making big decisions.
E. Incorporate Emotional Regulation Techniques
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Recommend mindfulness exercises before sessions.
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Suggest co-parenting apps to minimize direct confrontations.
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3. Ensuring Long-Term Compliance
Why Parents Struggle with Ongoing Compliance
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Old habits resurface – Without accountability, parents may revert to conflict.
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Changing circumstances – New partners, job changes, or relocations can disrupt agreements.
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Lack of consequences – If one parent ignores the plan, the other may feel powerless.
How to Improve Long-Term Compliance
A. Create Clear, Detailed Parenting Plans
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Avoid vague terms like “reasonable access”—define specific times and responsibilities.
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Include holiday schedules, school responsibilities, and communication protocols.
B. Regular Check-Ins & Adjustments
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Schedule follow-up sessions every few months to review progress.
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Allow flexibility for life changes (e.g., a child’s new extracurricular activity).
C. Use Written Agreements & Digital Tools
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Document all agreements in writing (emails, parenting apps).
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Apps like OurFamilyWizard or 2Houses can track compliance and reduce misunderstandings.
D. Reinforce Positive Behavior
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Acknowledge when parents follow the plan successfully.
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Positive reinforcement encourages continued cooperation.
E. Legal Backstops for Non-Compliance
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If one parent repeatedly violates agreements, the coordinator can:
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File a report with the court (if court-ordered).
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Recommend modifications to the parenting plan.
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Suggest further mediation or legal action.
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Conclusion: Turning Challenges into Opportunities
Parenting Coordination is not about eliminating all conflict—it’s about managing it constructively. By addressing resistance, emotional outbursts, and compliance issues proactively, parents can create a more stable, child-centered co-parenting dynamic.
At Lyon Legal Services, we specialize in helping Northern NSW families navigate these challenges with professional, empathetic Parenting Coordination. If you’re struggling with high-conflict co-parenting, reach out today to see how we can help.
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