Parenting Coordination is a valuable service designed to help separated or divorced parents resolve conflicts and create a stable environment for their children. However, like any intervention, it comes with challenges. High emotions, resistance from one parent, and difficulties in ensuring long-term compliance can hinder progress.
In this guide, we’ll explore the most common challenges in Parenting Coordination and provide practical strategies to overcome them, ensuring smoother co-parenting relationships and better outcomes for children.
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1. Resistance from One Parent
Why Does Resistance Happen?
Resistance in Parenting Coordination can stem from:
Distrust in the process – One parent may see the coordinator as biased or unnecessary.
Fear of losing control – Some parents resist because they feel their authority is being undermined.
Unresolved anger – Lingering resentment from the separation can fuel opposition.
Misunderstanding the role – Parents may confuse Parenting Coordination with litigation or therapy.
How to Overcome Resistance
A. Clarify the Role of the Parenting Coordinator
Explain that the coordinator is a neutral third party, not a decision-maker.
Emphasize that the goal is to reduce conflict, not take sides.
B. Build Trust Gradually
Start with small, manageable agreements to demonstrate the benefits.
Allow the resistant parent to voice concerns in a structured way.
C. Involve Them in Goal-Setting
Let both parents contribute to the parenting plan, ensuring they feel heard.
Use child-focused language (e.g., “This will help reduce stress for the kids”).
D. Legal Reinforcement (If Necessary)
If court-ordered, remind the resistant parent of potential consequences for non-compliance.
Frame participation as a positive step rather than a punishment.
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2. Managing Emotions During Sessions
Why Emotions Run High in Parenting Coordination
Past trauma from the relationship breakdown.
Fear of unfair outcomes (e.g., losing custody time).
Protective instincts – Parents may feel their parenting is being judged.
Strategies to Keep Emotions in Check
A. Establish Ground Rules Early
Set communication guidelines (e.g., no interrupting, no personal attacks).
Use structured agendas to keep discussions focused.
B. Encourage Active Listening
Teach parents to paraphrase each other’s concerns before responding.
Example: “I hear that you’re worried about bedtime routines. Let’s find a compromise.”
C. Use Neutral Language
Replace accusatory statements (“You always…”) with “I” statements (“I feel concerned when…”).
The Parenting Coordinator can reframe negative comments into constructive ones.
D. Take Breaks When Needed
If tensions escalate, pause the session and revisit when emotions settle.
Introduce cooling-off periods before making big decisions.
E. Incorporate Emotional Regulation Techniques
Recommend mindfulness exercises before sessions.
Suggest co-parenting apps to minimize direct confrontations.
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3. Ensuring Long-Term Compliance
Why Parents Struggle with Ongoing Compliance
Old habits resurface – Without accountability, parents may revert to conflict.
Changing circumstances – New partners, job changes, or relocations can disrupt agreements.
Lack of consequences – If one parent ignores the plan, the other may feel powerless.
How to Improve Long-Term Compliance
A. Create Clear, Detailed Parenting Plans
Avoid vague terms like “reasonable access”—define specific times and responsibilities.
Include holiday schedules, school responsibilities, and communication protocols.
B. Regular Check-Ins & Adjustments
Schedule follow-up sessions every few months to review progress.
Allow flexibility for life changes (e.g., a child’s new extracurricular activity).
C. Use Written Agreements & Digital Tools
Document all agreements in writing (emails, parenting apps).
Apps like OurFamilyWizard or 2Houses can track compliance and reduce misunderstandings.
D. Reinforce Positive Behavior
Acknowledge when parents follow the plan successfully.
Positive reinforcement encourages continued cooperation.
E. Legal Backstops for Non-Compliance
If one parent repeatedly violates agreements, the coordinator can:
File a report with the court (if court-ordered).
Recommend modifications to the parenting plan.
Suggest further mediation or legal action.
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Conclusion: Turning Challenges into Opportunities
Parenting Coordination is not about eliminating all conflict—it’s about managing it constructively. By addressing resistance, emotional outbursts, and compliance issues proactively, parents can create a more stable, child-centered co-parenting dynamic.
At Lyon Legal Services, we specialize in helping Northern NSW families navigate these challenges with professional, empathetic Parenting Coordination. If you’re struggling with high-conflict co-parenting, reach out today to see how we can help.
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