By Lyon Legal – Parenting Coordination & Mediation Services (Northern NSW)
Parenting after separation is one of life’s greatest challenges. When communication breaks down and conflict becomes the norm, children pay the highest price. Parenting Coordination offers a structured, child-focused approach to transforming high-conflict co-parenting into functional collaboration.
But here’s the reality: meaningful change isn’t comfortable.
Parenting Coordination requires parents to sit with tension, challenge old patterns, and embrace growth—even when it feels difficult. This process is built on powerful paradoxes: seemingly opposing truths that, when balanced, create real progress.
If you’re struggling with co-parenting conflict in Northern NSW, understanding these paradoxes can help you move forward.
What Is Parenting Coordination?
Parenting Coordination is a court-ordered or voluntary dispute resolution process designed for high-conflict separated parents. A Parenting Coordinator (PC)—typically a family law or mental health professional—helps parents:
✔ Implement parenting plans consistently
✔ Resolve day-to-day disputes without returning to court
✔ Reduce conflict for children’s emotional well-being
Unlike mediation, a PC can make binding decisions on minor issues (e.g., schedule adjustments) while coaching parents toward long-term cooperation.
10 Paradoxes of Successful Parenting Coordination
1. Strength & Gentleness
Strength sets boundaries; gentleness communicates them with respect.
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Example: Firmly upholding a visitation schedule while calmly explaining its importance to your child.
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Why it works: Children need consistency and emotional safety.
2. Control & Trust
You can’t control your co-parent—only how you respond.
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PC’s role: Helps parents shift from “How can I make them comply?” to “How can we build structured trust?”
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Outcome: Less frustration, more predictability.
3. Leading & Serving
True leadership in co-parenting means serving the child’s needs, not “winning.”
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Strategy: Model calm, child-focused behaviour—even when your ex doesn’t.
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Result: Over time, this often inspires reciprocal cooperation.
4. Boundaries & Flexibility
Rigid rules fuel conflict; clear yet adaptable frameworks reduce it.
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PC’s tool: “Flexible structure“—e.g., fixed weekly schedules with room for swaps.
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Benefit: Kids get stability without unnecessary power struggles.
5. Speaking Up & Listening Well
Many parents feel unheard post-separation. PCs ensure:
✔ Safe space for both voices
✔ Active listening techniques
✔ Child’s perspective remains central
6. Accountability & Compassion
Each parent must own their behaviour—but growth requires compassion, not blame.
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PC’s approach: “What happened?” vs. “Who’s at fault?”
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Impact: Reduces defensiveness, fosters problem-solving.
7. Short-Term Discomfort & Long-Term Gain
Addressing conflict is hard—but avoiding it costs more.
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Example: A difficult conversation now prevents years of court battles.
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Stat: 85% of PC cases reduce litigation recurrence (NSW Family Court data).
8. Logic & Emotion
Co-parenting isn’t just about schedules—it’s about grief, fear, and broken trust.
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PC’s balance: Respect emotions while creating practical solutions.
9. Agreement & Acceptance
You may never fully agree—but you can accept differences for your child’s sake.
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Tool: “Good enough” co-parenting > perfect harmony.
10. Letting Go & Moving Forward
Letting go ≠ forgetting. It means freeing your child from ongoing conflict.
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PC’s mantra: “Is this about my hurt or my child’s needs?”
Who Needs Parenting Coordination in Northern NSW?
Consider PC if:
Communication is hostile or non-existent
Minor disputes escalate repeatedly
Children show stress (anxiety, acting out)
Court involvement is frequent
Note: PCs cannot modify court orders but can help apply them fairly.
How Lyon Legal’s Parenting Coordination Works
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Assessment – Identify conflict patterns and child’s needs.
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Structured Meetings – Focused on solutions, not rehashing the past.
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Binding Decisions – For minor issues (e.g., missed handoffs).
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Progress Reviews – Adjust strategies as needed.
Duration: Typically 3–6 months for lasting change.
FAQ: Parenting Coordination in NSW
Q: Is PC legally binding?
A: Only for minor day-to-day issues. Major disputes still require court.
Q: Can I refuse my ex’s request for PC?
A: If court-ordered, no. Voluntary PC requires mutual agreement.
Q: How much does it cost?
*A: $250–$400/hour. Cheaper than repeated litigation.*
The Takeaway
Parenting Coordination isn’t about comfort—it’s about courage. By embracing these paradoxes, you give your child the gift of:
✅ Stability in a time of change
✅ Role models for healthy conflict resolution
✅ Freedom from adult battles
Ready for a better way?
Call (02) 6722 4898
Email: parenting@lyonlegal.com.au
Serving Lismore, Byron Bay, Tamworth & Northern NSW
Parenting Coordination & Mediation Services
Let’s Succeed Together
